Until we experience loss, pain, setbacks, failures, or mistakes, we don’t have a baseline. Isn’t it ironic that we must experience the opposite to really understand who we are and what we have?

Starting as early as 5 years old, I became an athlete. I was used to feeling strong and physically capable most of my life.

About 2 years after I moved away from home to Las Vegas, I fell chronically ill. At the time I was working 60+ hour weeks and running myself into the ground to survive financially, and launch my private practice while also working at a trauma agency to complete my 3000 hours. 

I completed my hours in 2.5 years, so as you could imagine self-care was pretty non-existent at that time. 

My life changed forever the day I was diagnosed with cancer.

 How did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? What do I do about it? I was devastated and terrified. 

Through the whirlwind of everything that happened thereafter, I did my best to keep my business afloat and be forced to slow down at a pace I had never experienced life, knowing it was as though my life depended on it.

I changed my entire lifestyle to fight it holistically and if that failed, then I would go the chemo route. 

I learned a lot about humanity, grief, compassion, and relentlessness.

I learned a lot about myself. Who I thought I was, and who I was capable of being. 

I had been sleeping on myself.

I had been taking myself for granted.

The vulnerability of having to depend on others, and feel worthy of that form of love.

I write this 2.5 years later, with 2 surgeries in 2021 under my belt. I write this to say I am feeling the most authentic, and healthy I’ve felt in a very long time. I’ve fought hard to find myself again.

Not many people talk about one of the biggest hardships from being sick, was when I was told I had No Evidence of Disease. No one knows that’s when the grief really sits in. You’re out of survival and all that extra support you had disappears because they believe you’ll go back to how life was before the diagnosis. That version of yourself doesn’t exist anymore. 

Everything with my body, my hormones, and the aftermath of it all finally feels as though I’d taken my power back of my body.

I am so grateful for a body that has been so strong for me. I will never take my physical health for granted again. 

I will honor my past self, present self, and future self by always striving towards growth within my journey. 

I will no longer allow anyone to treat me as though I am less than. 

I am here to do great things in this short life, as we all are.

The difference is, you just have to start believing it and stop sleeping on yourself.